Deviation Actions
Literature Text
Okay, so where the hell was I? Come on, Flint. Think, think… I’ve got it! So it was a mild August 29th night, roughly 10 o’clock, and Mandrake had returned to the Nigota Cemetery where I was sleeping tight in my coffin. I had felt a cool, cold wind graze my black trench coat, and just as Mandrake was about to open the door to my casket, I ended up opening it myself, scaring him half to death. I can remember that night like it was yesterday. Damn, did I get him good! So, for the most part, that’s where our next dialogue began; however, right around the same time, his family had been packing up to prepare for the apocalypse, suitcases and all.
“Dad,” Kathy Lee asked Herman out of curiosity, “Are you sure this plan is going to work?”
“Of course I am,” Herman assured her.
“Granddad, granddad,” Julio said, trying to grab his attention, “I have a question!”
“Alright, Julio, ask away.”
“And what about me, granddad?” Brendon asked him while putting his clothes in his clean and empty suitcase. “Can I ask a question, too?”
And just when you thought this gray-haired grandfather had time to answer Brendon’s demand, Manson had to step in and vie for his attention as well. And don’t ask me why I know all these names.
“How about me? I’m the oldest.”
And just like that, everyone started talking over one another. The gray-haired Herman tried to bring order to his rather dysfunctional court with a simple, ‘Just a minute, folks’, but after two failed efforts, that’s when he realized drastic action had to ensue.
“Now, wait a damn minute!” he screamed at the top of his lungs, immediately silencing everyone. “Everybody’s going to get their chance to speak!” And then he pointed the finger at Julio. “Julio, you start.”
“It’s free, Julio. It won’t cost us a penny. I looked it up on bing.com. Kathy Lee,” he said, looking at her, “You pick out the next questioner.”
After all of one second, she gave Brendon, her second-oldest son, the chance to speak his mind.
“Granddad,” he asked, “Will the comet hit us?”
He thought it through for a minute, making some weird gestures along the way, but he’d eventually come to. “Brendon,” he answered, “I really can’t say for sure if the comet’s going to hit or not, but I’m pretty sure it won’t— and I’m not too sure about that.”
“Great,” Kathy Lee smiled, “So that leaves Manson, then?”
“Yeah, sure. Manson, what’s your question?”
Finally, after some time, he got his question in.
“How will we sleep tonight knowing the comet may or may not hit in the morning?”
“We’re not,” Herman answered effortlessly.
“Okay, just wondering.”
“So, Kathy Lee,” he said, turning back to her, “I heard you have a question, too.”
“Dad,” she asked him solemnly, “Are we going to make it out alive?”
“Well, daughter, I can’t guarantee you that we are, and I can’t guarantee you that we aren’t, so as far as I can figure it’s a flip of the coin to me. Kathy Lee, you and your three children have to understand that times are so indescribably funked up that it’s almost impossible to say for sure how bad it is— and that’s an understatement. For instance, the rich are take the poor man’s money, riots over simple things happen all over the place, and politics is the new gambling. Hell, you might even say we have Satan for president because that’s how little faith I have in any government. With that said, I want all four of you to let it be known that tomorrow morning might not see our faces. Yes, I know that there’s a chance the comet hits us and life comes to a sudden end, but I hope to God that I’m wrong— I hope the comet doesn’t hit us. And even if it doesn’t, what then? Will there be more dysfunction and disorder? Will there be more suicides? Will there be more protests and war? Well, whatever the answer is, I really don’t give a shit anymore, and even though I should, I know what God wants for me— and since we’re all native Americans, we’re the last of a dying breed, and that’s a pure fact.”
“But what about the possibility that something else triggers the apocalypse?”
“I don’t know, daughter. All I have to say is to be ready for anything, and no matter what happens, don’t look back. Now, let’s get our suitcases in the car before it rains. I’m more than ready to get checked into that underground bunker!”
“You mean, ‘we’,” Manson corrected.
“Yes, ‘we’. Now let’s do this thing!”
Now, as I said before, it was right around the same time that Mandrake and I met again to discuss plans to ward off his planet, which happens to be spiraling off course. Whatever. We still met.
“Oh, hey, Mandrake,” I said in a rather robotic tone, looking away from him. Of course, he would say ‘hey’ back to me, but still, whatever. “So, um, the comet’s going to hit in the morning, and it’s obvious that this shield Kate invented isn’t going to help things out at all. What do we do?”
“Well, since I’m an alien that possesses untold amounts of strength, and since I have the ability to transfer strength to another being, no matter the race or form, perhaps I can transfer most of my strength to you. Do you think that will steer my planet back to its original course?”
“What is this ‘my planet’ horse-shit? You started this whole mess to begin with by having a race of people abandon you as a newborn! You save the planet— I’ll just watch from the skies.”
And just as I was about to close the lid of my casket and creep back in, Mandrake put his hand in the way of it. This, of course, would lead to a power struggle.
“Hey, let the lid go!”
“I’m serious, Flint,” he insisted, not changing his tone of voice when I changed mine. “Take my word for it.”
“Okay, fine!” I groaned, letting my hand free itself from the lid-thingy or whatever. Then, coldly, I stared into his eyes. “Are you sure this is going to work?”
“I’m positive,” Mandrake answered.
A pause then would ensue. Why, you ask? Because I was trying to figure out what was going on, that’s why! No one has ever transferred their energy into my soul before! I mean, who the hell in their right godforsaken mind would transfer their energy into someone they don’t even know? It’s stupid, pointless! And might I add, stupid! Okay, so I said stupid twice. Big deal. You guys don’t have perfect grammar, either. So anyway, the pause ensues and I finally come to my senses.
“Okay, fine. Transfer your strength to me. I don’t care.”
I was very chill and non-caring about it. Well, didn’t I have a right to be?
“I knew you’d come to your senses,” Mandrake said to me, smiling.
“Good. So are we going to do this in the morning or—“
And then, just like that, he spread his arms and his legs, stretching them as his strength was transferred to me. I, of course, would be knocked out briefly by this. Mandrake would fall down as well. What, did you think I was going to get probed by him? Hell, no, I wasn’t going to get probed by him! What made you think that?
Okay, so from what I can remember, it was about twelve midnight when the both of us woke up— me first, obviously.
“What the hell just happened? Did I—“
And then I looked at Mandrake, and I panicked.
“Oh, shit!” I screamed. See, what had happened was, I thought I had killed Mandrake, but it was Mandrake that transferred to me his energy and it made me a hell of a lot stronger. I touched him with one finger and he was up to his feet like magic! What the hell! I mean, what kind of logic is this? So, anyway, he got up, and I was surprised.
“How the hell did you get up?” I asked him, staring him dead in the eye.
“The transfer is complete,” he said to me.
“What transfer?” I asked him, wanting to make sure.
“The transferring of my strength into your spirit is complete. That’s what I’m trying to say.”
“Oh.”
So the two of us just went our separate ways for the time being. It was kind of like we had arranged another meeting to be set for the very next day, which would be August 30th, 2040, the day of the suspected collision between my planet and his. Oh, and by the way, that’s because it was. After all, I’m not making this up— and if I was, then all this shit about the planets nearly colliding wouldn’t have come to be, right? Think about it. Think about it long and hard and you’ll get where I’m coming from, no doubt about it.